Team Captain - Brian Selltiz

A seasoned Lemon's racer (one previous event nearly completed), Brian, A.K.A. Selvis, can often be found smoking cigars and talking about the good old days of his youth spent racing motorcycles (best finish 22nd place).

Team CTO - Brian Schulman

As the nation's foremost expert in trail riding and solar panels, Mr. Schulman plans on beating the poor Taurus until it explodes or dies. Him and the crew chief are at odds as to when and if this will actually happen. He has also designed the in car communications system which is expected to interfere with International Space Station operations for the weekend.

Team Lead Geek - Ambrose Di Giorgio

Your typical hot shot young racer, Ambrose is determined to race the daylights out of anyone that would challenge him. Expecting that his efforts will earn him a seat at next year's Daytona 500, he has already applied to take the month of February off in 2016.

Team Ace - Blake Ekstrom

Some people are meant to drive, some to bake muffins… Blake is built for endurance. The team's anchor, Blake has one single purpose during this adventure - drive hard, drive fast and drive long. Having spent countless years racing Miatas at Limerock, he is confident that he will walk away with the track record for this event, possibly for any event ever held at Loudon.

Team Enforcer - Bryan Helmle

A.K.A. Lord Helmet, keeping the team focused on completing the race and adhering to the rules, Mr. Helmle has saved the team from many a Lemons faux pas. With roots in drag racing, we are unclear if Bryan will figure out how to complete turn 1.

Team Giant - Ryan O'Connell

At 9' 6" tall, the team's newest member will be driving most of the race from the trunk. No matter since living at high altitude has allowed him to develop his senses much like that of an Eagle hunting its prey. Using his highly developed vision Ryan will find racing lines that others don't even know exist. If you're about to get passed, look up <insert Eagle sound> cause it's probably Ryan O'Connell.

Team Crew Chief - Nick Chiechi

Without Nick the car would simply not have been built in time. To thank Mr. Chiche for his exceptional ability and unrelenting effort the team has agreed to wear tin foil, no I mean aluminum foil, hats to prevent the government from stealing any of his advanced automotive engineering principles applied to said race car.

Team Quartermaster - Brian McCabe (How many Brian's are there?)

Having no interest in getting behind the wheel, Mr. McCabe has graciously offered to spend the weekend barbequing and preparing food for these hungry bastards. Additionally, without his fancy ass camper - the team would have nowhere to sleep.

Team Ambassador – Peter Noonan

Recently completing a tour in hostile territory, Ambassador Noonan joined the team looking for an opportunity to put his talents to better use. The Ambassador can often be seen walking the pits spreading good will and cheer to other Lemons teams, keeping peace between all those that would be honored by his presence.. On weekends the Ambassador serves under the Colonel of Syosset helping to keep the peace on the home front as well.

Team BadAss - Matt Rayola

Don’t f*** with this guy. Matt showed up one day at the shop and said he was driving at the next race, no one was brave enough to tell him any differently. Since that day he has driven the company work van up onto two wheels, wheelied the team captain’s Harley Davidson and generally instilled fear into anyone who would dare look him in the eye. We recently learned that on his days off he likes to spend his time cooking, volunteering at the local animal shelter and helping old ladies cross the street safely.

Special thanks to those unsung heroes that contributed to the team effort, knowingly or not.

Doug Helmle - Procured one hell of a deal on rims and tires, and provided us with half of the required genes for Lord Helmet.

Patrick Cassino, Sun Auto Group - Monster Camera Donation

Adam Columbo and Vito Mileo - Axis Communications

Jawaid Chotani - Milestone Systems

Katie Sterling - Veracity USA

chi@millermob.com - Used suits and lotsa tips, both very much needed.

Steve - Thank you for dealing with our Rookie mistakes and for running a kick ass weekend.

Nick Pon - We thank you for accepting our lame ass admission and truly do appreciate your help.

Jay Lamm - What can be said about such an amazing person. Thank you for having the vision to create such an amazing event and amazing series. You are a truly amazing individual and we look forward to a truly… amazing experience.

ass kissing complete

Make: Ford
Year: 1998
Model: Taurus
Trim Level: Definitely not SHO

Found rusting away in a wholesale car lot inventory deep in Centereach NY, this Ford Taurus is a shining example of late 90's American Automotive style. Resembling a 1960's UFO, this car is sure to crush the competition at this year's Loudon event.